WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

I came away from a meeting last night and was very upset.I guess I am still missing the point of volunteerism, of being part of a team, the expectations of the recipients of the time the volunteers give them. We live in a time where to help others means to give them money. It's easy, right, pick something you think might be a good cause, give your money and your home free. Hey, I can feel good about changing the world now I gave my five bucks to help. My problem is this, I don't know that my five bucks ever sees the true destination of the needy cause, and after getting two, three calls a day from needy causes I have become tired of the calls. I start to wonder if the money ever does any good. You give the five bucks this time and the next thing you know a few months later and guess who's on the other end of the phone again asking for more money? So I think to myself what if I give my time to help a needy cause. I am giving a service that I can feel good about, I can be the one that, so to speak, that the buck stops here. I think I am a part of a team of people who feel the need and have shouldered the responsibility . I can give my time, sweat equity , and I know that the need is being met with no money involved.
I know this way of thinking is not for everyone, I seen and felt it tonight. We still want something out of it. Sure I will sign up, but what will you give me back. Me? , well I want to feel useful, I want to have done something good, within my ability and be given, yes, a pat on the back,"wow look at that Sifu cleaning those sidewalks and in her condition" I crave to be a useful part of society and since I don't earn a dollar amount for what I do day to day I give the only way I can, my back, my sweat, and my compassion . I am not a great leader, I can't stand in front of a group of people and motivate them with words, hell I have trouble just getting my point across in everyday conversation, but I can show people by example,the problem is someone has to be watching.
I have come to the conclusion that I am a solider,give me a task that I can sink my teeth into and I'll do my best for you, but when it comes to organizing I think that would be better left to other people who think in those terms.
I hope this doesn't come across as a pity party, this is as good as it gets for me with words. If you want me to help give me an end result, if you want my money(what little of it I have personally) show me what your doing with it and how I can help,otherwise it feels like another hand out and I am jaded with that line of thought.
I am waiting to be enlightened, am trying to keep open minded, show me that way and I will do my best to lend you my back and hands.
Still in the dark,
Linda Shipalesky