Self awareness

These days I find myself trying to see myself as others see me. Of course this is impossible.I have always loved people watching and I thought I could guess who they might be by their body language. This in turn brings me back to myself and how I might move or react to other people in most situations. Even if I can hold myself still and straight, I can't always control what comes out of my mouth.
Over the last two years it has been my personal goal to overcome my shyness. This has been a hugh struggle. I find it takes a lot of self control to ignore the little voice in my head that constantly erodes at my self confidence. The voice that second guesses every thought as being stupid or wrong, and much to my own doing trying to "read" other peoples reactions in every conversation. The other thing which I try to control is turning red when I feel slightly uncomfortable. I"m not always sure if it's my internal temperature or if its heating my face up too.
This week has been very hard one to handle. I find that I can't always deal with the "new" reactions to my small steps in the battle with shyness. People who give me responsibilities that I'm not sure I can handle or even deserve. That self talk sneaks back into my head and once again I feel shy and want to go back to the safe place.

This journey has become terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. One thing for sure is that it is never boring. I must admit that the saying "one step forward and two back" definitely applies to me . I think the biggest revolution so far is just to be myself and hope that people like what they see.

Linda