Does my heart rule my head?

At our annual in school tournament one of my Hero's fell off of his pedestal . Not only did he fall, I felt like he fell right on top of me and knocked the wind right out of me. I have struggled for months with this, I realize no one can live up to hero worship because after all we are all just human with many faults and holes in our personalities. I became so obsessed with this that no matter what he said over the next few months I would turn into a negative experience . All the things I had learned from him was reviewed and questioned for his sincerity . When a fellow student wanted to talk to me about their Kung fu I could only see the rain clouds and not the sun shine. I tried hard to bit my tough, but I know I let some of the negative slip out. My "HERO" picture of him was totally destroyed.
Now for the stupid part of this, I never had the courage to talk to him about it and let him defend himself. I mean after all way should he care how I see him. ... negative, negative negative. I'm anti-negative it's the first thing I look to avoid in people, I want people to give me a warm and fuzzy feeling. So what was I doing? I have been slowly taking apart the reasons I am in Kung Fu. Why it makes me feel good.Is it the school or the people in it. Am I doing the extra things to please myself or someone else. Do I do it for a pat on the back or because I am truly helping someone else. On and on these things have been going around in my head.
This whole experience has been a learning curve. I have discovered some things about myself and others that I have chosen not to look at before. It has made me take responsibility for the reasons i am at the school at least four times a week. I think I have found some balance in this experience. I am still struggling with a lot of it though, maybe ask me next week and I will have given myself an easy answer, who knows, after all I am only human. I guess I am writing this so I must be taking small steps in the right direction.

Linda