Constructive Criticism

I have had a few encounters with constructive criticism this last week. I realize I don't handle it too well. The one thing that I find important to take into account is the relationship with the person who is offering the criticism. The closer the relationship the harder it is to see it objectively. The more I have been focused on pleasing the person or the more I have perceived my performance as positive or negative the harder it is to hear the words aimed at me. I automatically go into a defensive mode. My brain shuts down and my temper rises .My emotions stir up and my reasoning shuts down. Depending on the subject, the child in me wants to protest the unfairness of all things related.I hate finding myself in the situation where I start making excuses. Weather I have a valid point or not it always feels like an attack to my senses. "But Dad he hit me first ... "
Where is the balance point? When is it right to defend your point of view and when do you truly learn from the advice.I think maybe I have to take into account the ground rules set out in the relationship before hand too. Employer to employee, Instructor to student but oh so not husband to wife. That one always gets the wrong reaction."You never see my point .... do you think I'm that stupid..."
The other thing that is hart to take is when I am observing someone I love or care for taking the criticism, the mothering instinct kicks in and I want to step in and shield the receiver from the harsh reality of the situation. Once again emotions rule my head.
I still have so much to learn about myself and the world I interact with. I know one thing for sure I do not do my best thinking in the middle of the night ... 2:45 am should be a time for being tucked safe in bed with good thoughts running in my head. Things always look different in the light of day but it felt like I could sleep better if I got this off my chest. My eyes are a bit blurry with sleep and I know my grammar and spelling will be worse than usual. So ...
Anyway, Good night

Linda Shipalesky Silent River Kung Fu Stony Plain Alberta