Constructive Criticism

I have had a few encounters with constructive criticism this last week. I realize I don't handle it too well. The one thing that I find important to take into account is the relationship with the person who is offering the criticism. The closer the relationship the harder it is to see it objectively. The more I have been focused on pleasing the person or the more I have perceived my performance as positive or negative the harder it is to hear the words aimed at me. I automatically go into a defensive mode. My brain shuts down and my temper rises .My emotions stir up and my reasoning shuts down. Depending on the subject, the child in me wants to protest the unfairness of all things related.I hate finding myself in the situation where I start making excuses. Weather I have a valid point or not it always feels like an attack to my senses. "But Dad he hit me first ... "
Where is the balance point? When is it right to defend your point of view and when do you truly learn from the advice.I think maybe I have to take into account the ground rules set out in the relationship before hand too. Employer to employee, Instructor to student but oh so not husband to wife. That one always gets the wrong reaction."You never see my point .... do you think I'm that stupid..."
The other thing that is hart to take is when I am observing someone I love or care for taking the criticism, the mothering instinct kicks in and I want to step in and shield the receiver from the harsh reality of the situation. Once again emotions rule my head.
I still have so much to learn about myself and the world I interact with. I know one thing for sure I do not do my best thinking in the middle of the night ... 2:45 am should be a time for being tucked safe in bed with good thoughts running in my head. Things always look different in the light of day but it felt like I could sleep better if I got this off my chest. My eyes are a bit blurry with sleep and I know my grammar and spelling will be worse than usual. So ...
Anyway, Good night

Linda Shipalesky Silent River Kung Fu Stony Plain Alberta

The weather outside is frightful ...

With the weather so cold and my car freezing up I have had to adjust my training, I usually go to the gym two to three times a week to put in my kilometers. I don't know if it counts but I tried counting my steps around the house and came up very short. I guess I will have to add some when the weather warms up.
Classes have been running a little smoother this last week. I have put on my thinking cap and tried to come up with new ways to inspire my students. I just needed to remind myself of all the black belt resources I have available to me in our school. Sure enough when I ask for help I always get a lot of advice and great support. A lot less talking and a little more listening.
Randy had his Christmas supper from work this Friday night. I try to practice my socializing skills but it is very hard to overcome my own insecurities . I did manage to make some small talk with people I didn't know so I''ll put that down as a small success.
Talk to you soon

Linda Shipalesky Silent River Kung Fu Stony Plain Alberta Canada

In a bad mood are we?

I woke up feeling cranky and out of sorts this morning. The weather is always a downer this time of year. I snapped at Randy before seeing him off to do the morning Kung Fu class. Had to talk Lacey into going to school. She hates standing at the transfer station in the cold. Threw a few digs at Adam about not attending Lacey's Christmas concert before he left for school. Sat and thought about the downfalls of last nights beginner class with my chia tea... So with feet dragging I walked Lacey down the driveway to wait for the bus. On my way past my car I noticed someone (Randy I'm sure ) had plugged it in for me. It made me stop and rethink my morning negative self talk. I always lash out at the ones that do the most for me , Why? Is it because I'm so sure they'll love me no matter what or because I have a captive audience ? They have no choose but to listen to my bi.... complaining. Just last night I read a blog from another black belt in our school about how she was combating negative reactions to curtain situations she encounters. Good thing I don't do that .... I think I'll go and reread her blog. There's a lesson to be learned there. I just need to be more humble and open up my mind. Come to think about it I know I have said this to myself before. Might be a good requirement to add to my UBBT 7, don't be so fast to judge others before looking at myself.

Linda Shipalesky Silent River Kung Fu Stony Plain Alberta Canada

Keep in touch

These are very exciting times. Our first UBBT 7 meeting was held this past Friday and I was able to see who will be sharing the experience this next year. I think there will be lots of support and great ideas from my fellow students.
The biggest observation I bring with me from UBBT 6 is to keep in touch with my team mates, even if its just reading their weekly blogs. I really got to know them better this way and could empathize with their day to day struggles. A couple of my team mates from 2009 did not read other peoples journals and then complained about how isolated and alone they felt through out the year.I know this can take some time but if you do a little reading at a time.... well it doesn't take that long.
Talk to you next week

Linda Shipalesky
Silent River Kung Fu Stony Plain Alberta Canada

UBBT 6

What has the UBBT done for me ?
I remember the first time Sifu Brinker mentioned this project in our black belt class. I knew he couldn't be talking to me, after all I was just an average student at best. He must be talking to the young, fit students who were only starting out in life. The ones who had small responsibilities . No family, mortgage , or a bunch of other things that cloud our lives as we get older. Over the next few weeks he planted the seed of possibility in my mind. If I didn't do this now maybe I would never have the courage or opportunity to try this again. I have not looked back since. It has been an incredible journey of personal growth and self discovery. It has given me the ability to start looking into all those deep dark corners in my mind that I do not always want to see.
It is helping quiet the voice of self doubt that has plagued me all my life. I am learning to look at the world with new eyes.I find my shoulders back and my head and eyes up more often than not. My fear of the world recedes a little with each small step I gain. I feel like I am only now waking up . The future now has endless possibilities .

Linda Shipalesky
Silent River Kung Fu, Stony Plain, Alberta Canada

It's not what I thought

Yesterday I did something impulsive, a post came up on our schools chat room (Koown talk) from a senior black belt. Now this black belt has had my back on many of occasions in classes I have been teaching. He was sick and couldn't do his rotation in our sparring class. I finally had an opportunity to repay his many kindness' to me, so I promptly volunteered to step in for him. Little did I realize the scope of this step. I am not passionate about sparring, At the best of times I do as little as I can to get through a class and never revisit the experience. But last night.... well lets just say I was in for a surprise. For one thing I had never even thought about the structure that this class was following. So after a lot of explaining from Sifu Brinker I started to fumble through the class. By the end of the class my respect for the students that make up this class had risen 100 percent. They make the air in the school vibrate with their passion. I came home happy and inspired. I lay in bed for hours and savored the experience . Would I do it again? In a minute. Thank you Sifu Hayes and Sifu Brinker for the opportunity and most of all for your never ending encouragement.

Linda Shipalesky
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain Alberta

Who Knew?

What a busy week this turned out to be. November is a month filled with birthdays and last week my niece added to the population of our family by having a healthy baby girl. Once November hits the department stores go crazy with Christmas preparations . I love Christmas and all the decorations, music and of course the tree. The only down side is SHOPPING which I have always detested. One hour in the stores can suck the life right out of my good cheer.
Another sad side of November is that it must be fund raising month. Every other call coming into the house is one needy cause or another looking to find money to help out the sick and under privileged . I say the same thing to Randy every year " lets pick out one or two charities that really speak to us and not try to spread ourselves so thin." So far this hasn't worked. The pledge forms still keep coming in the mail that we give token amounts to. I'm not sure we are making a difference to any of them when the money sent is usually around $25.00. My argument with myself and Randy is still to really support only one or two with a larger amount.
My training has been on the down side this week. I find my energy in a slump. It seems to take everything I have just to drag my sore bones out of bed. I know its from the way I have been eating lately. My weight has been going up and that is always depressing. So goes the battle.
Anyway I am going to give myself a shake, as I sit here this morning I can see two brave Chickadee's eating from a cat dish that four cats share ... hummm I didn't know Chickadees eat meat or does cat food have any meat left in it?

Linda Shipalesky
Silent River Kung Fu
Stony Plain Alberta Canada