This week I found myself weepy and really feeling sorry for myself. I finally stopped and sat down to evaluate my emotions . I hate feeling like this and beat myself up for crying too easily. It's just too private, I think it opens me up to more hurt. Anyway when I found it slipping into other parts of my life I knew it was time to figure it out.
I have this dog you see who is twelve years old. I was there when he was born. He has been a constant companion through some good and bad times in the last years. I know they say dogs can't smile, but I have had the pleasure of his smiling face greet me each morning for a long time. Age has slowed him down but lately he has developed a cough. I was scared to bring him to the vet but convinced myself that it was probably kennel cough or something like that. When the vet handed me a box of kleenex I knew I was going to hear something I didn't want to. Shilo has lung cancer. She told me to take him home and love him up for as long as I can. Loving him is easy, it's watching him slowly fade that is unbelievable painful. He still has great days but I can see and feel his time running out. So living in the moment is really important with him right now. Dogs just naturally live in the moment and he has taught me a lot about this over the years.
I know he is just a dog and I can't imagine dealing with this with another person. I have been very fortunate to never have been put to the test.
Any way I have decided to forgive myself for my emotional outbursts. I will find the strength somewhere to deal with his last days.
I will try to be the person my dog thinks I am.
Linda Shipalesky Silent River Kung Fu Stony Plain Alberta Canada
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3 comments:
Sifu I am so sorry. Can I give one suggestion from my past mistakes? Take lots of pictures now and enjoy these times, really enjoy and cherish them. I know its no comfort but time will heal, or at least take the edge off. When I lose a pet I really take it hard and usually have to hide my real feelings and put on a facade for the world. But experiences like this really make you appreciate those in our lives now. I sincerely wish you the best sifu.
Brian
That last sentence really says it all. I'm an emotional wreck when it comes to my animals and their health, I understand. Love and warm fuzzies to you, your puppy and your family.
Hi Sifu,
I understand what you are going through. I had a two cats that were sick and it's hard to see them ill. I am just like Khona when it comes to my animals. Brian is right, take lots of pictures, I never did and I should have. With our two new animals I have started scrapbooks for both of them and we take lots of pictures too.
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